Choking on Air
by regularshow565
Summary: Rigby didn't understand how or even why Mordecai could stand to be around him after what he did. / Set two months after the events of the movie and rated T for some cursing.


**Yo, what's up anybody reading this? It's been quite a while since I've written anything for this fandom so I'm sorry for any OOC. This idea has been in my mind after listening to the song "My Demons" by the band Starset on repeat for about a week.**

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Panic was evident in the blue jay's expression as the front door burst open with a resounding bang.

He pushed past the ghost who appeared concerned and bolted up the stairs, taking three at a time.

Mordecai shoved Benson aside as the two met at the top of the landing and darted toward his room down the hall, all the while ignoring his boss calling his name.

The groundskeeper's lungs begged for air even when the avian pushed the plea aside and reached the room at the end of the hall.

Mordecai took one second to breathe in as much oxygen as he could in that brief moment before frantically lifting his hand to the doorknob.

Dread filled his stomach and settled in his throat as he realized the door was locked and he banged on the door with both arms.

"Rigby! Please open the door!" Mordecai's words rushed out as his chest heaved and begged for rest.

Soft sobs could be heard on the other side of the door and Mordecai's dread grew when there was no answer.

"Dude, come on. Open the door and let me in!" Mordecai relentlessly jiggled the knob as the cries grew louder.

Mordecai rammed his shoulder against the door twice before he pressed his forehead to the door.

"Open the damn door, Rigby!" Tears were clouding the bird's vision as he weakly kicked the door with his right leg.

" _Rigby, please!"_ Mordecai rasped out as his beak quivered and the tears started freefalling.

Mordecai's body shook with exhaustion and anguish as his own sobs overtook Rigby's.

He could no longer hear the raccoon's cries as he once more banged on the door and let his emotions take control.

"I need you to let me in right _now_."

Mordecai let out a breath as he heard the door unlock and the door opened to reveal a tear-stained face.

Rigby's breath came in short gasps as he blinked up at Mordecai, his hand still resting on the doorknob.

The two stared at each other for a few seconds before Mordecai gathered Rigby in his arms and walked over to his bed.

As Mordecai sat down on his bed, Rigby shifted in his grasp to face away from the bird.

Mordecai gently rocked back and forth as he waited for both his own and Rigby's tears to lessen.

After a few minutes, Rigby turned to look up at Mordecai and the bird ceased his rocking.

"Mordecai, I'm so sorry," the raccoon said quietly as Mordecai's eyebrows furrowed.

"It's alright, dude. You've apologized so many times the past two months and I forgave you so long ago. You don't have to keep apologizing."

Rigby glanced away as tears threatened to cascade again. "I don't understand, Mordecai."

Mordecai gazed down at the trembling raccoon and proceeded with apprehension.

"What don't you understand?" he asked softly as he rubbed one of Rigby's arms.

Sleep deprived eyes wracked with guilt and self-loathing searched caring and worried ones.

"How can you keep telling me you forgive me when I pretty much ruined your life? And don't give me that crap about how it's all in the past!" Rigby's voice intensified at his second statement.

Mordecai took a minute to rephrase his earlier statement and stood up to walk around the room in hopes of ceasing Rigby's trembling.

"Rigby, you made a mistake because you were hurting and saw no other way out. What you did wasn't right but it was a _hell_ of a lot better than never seeing you again."

Rigby opened his mouth to retort as Mordecai stopped near the window and shifted the raccoon in his arms to wipe away the falling tears.

"I admit that I was pissed when I found out what you did, and I lashed out at you. You may think you deserved to be yelled at but I never took the time to think about what you were feeling. I can't say this enough times but I forgave you and I hate to see you still beating yourself up over this."

Rigby's lip quivered as Mordecai rubbed his head briefly before the raccoon took a deep breath.

"How can you stand me when _I can't even live with myself?"_

This single question hurt Mordecai's soul as he heard his best friend let out a wretched cry and bury himself in the bird's chest.

Skinny arms latched around Mordecai's neck as the dam broke and the tears couldn't be stopped anymore.

Mordecai ignored his own tears as he swayed in place and tightened his embrace.

All the pain that had been weighing down on Rigby's heart for the past two months bellowed out in an outburst of anguish.

Mordecai could only begin to fathom the amount of distress Rigby had been feeling as he listened to the weeping that he couldn't quell.

 _Oh, Rigby. I'm so sorry. How can I fix this?_

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 **I realize in now that this is kinda short. I have some ideas but I'm not sure if this should stay as a oneshot or be multi-chaptered. Let me know what you think!**


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